Category Archives: Help at Home

How To Get Rid of the Bigfoot at the Window

To get rid of your hairy nuisances, you have to take all the fun and entertainment value out of the situation.

BEHAVIORwindow smak

Tell them to GO AWAY and NOT COME BACK. I know, but I hear it can work.

Do not do anything that leads them to believe you know they are there, they exist.  I put up X’s in front of windows and I think it was a mistake.   Aqui se habla squatch.

Do not respond to any provocation on their part.  If they tap, do not tap back. If they slam the house, do not go outside.  If they are on the roof, deal with it in the morning.

DO NOT play bigfoot sounds or whoop or knock.

Supervise children 100% of time.

Be assertive but not aggressive.  Your yard and home are your territory, off limits to them.

Take your gun when you go outside, visible, but not in your hand.

scratchesDo a little target practice around the property, using safety sense. Be armed and let them see that. Don’t have a gun? Better buy one, large caliber. Ask advice of friends who hunt, and do research online. Lots of ammo, just in case.

They mimic human voices, so think before you respond to outdoor calls or sounds.

Cover windows so they cannot observe you–turn off their TV.

Drain swimming pools.

Lock up pets and livestock at night, from chickens to bulls. Put big dogs in barn and house.  Do not chain them up.

Be aware that their structures may have meanings we don’t understand.  Don’t mess with theirs or build your own rude structures.  You don’t know what they might infer from your kid’s tree fort.

Do not whistle outdoors, especially at night.  A whistle means “come and eat me, here I am, your food!”


Don’t feed them. Really.  Even accidentally.   Do not ever feed them or put food outside or throw leftovers outside in the woods.

Keep trash in the trash container, in the garage, and keep it locked. Compost piles are probably out.

Don’t barbecue, or if you do, clean up right away, including the grill.


Outbuildings containing any food should be secure enough to keep bigfoot out or else the food should be taken into the house.

I do not recommend that you poison food even if you feel sure you can kill them all at once and ensure kids,  pets, and innocent wildlife will not eat it.  Beware unintended consequences.

No deer feeders in the area.  Bird feeders either.

Discourage deer or other prey animals from hanging around. When you see prey animals,  chase them off.  You can use a marine airhorn.  airhorn


Light up the house, put up a trail cam to monitor each side of the house.

You can place cameras in windows, inside.  Motion detector devices also work.  I think they may be able to see or hear the motion detecting signal.  motion detector unit

Keep all doors and windows closed and all shades drawn.  Windows that open must have screens.

Put up lots of lights up high -–over 15 feet high, if you can manage–around the yard for night time. Put a wire cage around the bulbs because they will throw rocks or yank them off the wall. Even Christmas lights are useful. Strobes are good, too. Shine lights out from inside the house.

All lights must be able to be switched on from inside the house.

Motion detector lights can be defeated, so don’t use those. Bigfoot are too smart for that.

Zillion watt flashlights and spotlights. They hate that.  Always take a high wattage flashlight with you outside at night.  Aim at their eyes, because it temporarily blinds them.

I hear they dislike big arrays of green and blue lasers, available somewhere on the internet.   Bob Garrett  uses them. green laser device


Calling 911, the game warden, animal control, or other authorities may or may not get results. Sometimes law enforcement will even stop coming out altogether. So, don’t mention it is bigfoot, say it is a big man, a scruffy drifter, or a bear.

Ask the local PD or sheriff to do extra patrols to make sure you are safe from what might be a crazy drifter or a prisoner on the lam.

Cut down all weeds, brush, and trees around the house. Shade is nice, but quiet is nicer.

Put up window alarms, put a stick in the sliding patio door, etc.

Small, inexpensive motion activated and very shrill alarms which firmly attach to windows and doors can be bought for around $6 for two. They work surprisingly well. alarms alarm  If it starts going off all the time, it may have become a game for them.

A good idea is a web camera system via which you can watch your home from your phone or office.  webcams

Bigfoot know and avoid cameras.

Put up game cameras. Yes, they can avoid them, but it’s the deterrent factor you are after,  not pictures. You can also place cameras in the windows inside, pointing out.

Install a night vision surveillance system to warn you and inform you of their location.

Have back up power sources.

Buy copper wire and weave a loose mat for in front of doors and windows and underlay with a plastic or rubber door mat.  Electrify the copper mat  when you want it on.  Connect the mat wiring to a switch beside the door, inside the house.   Check voltage requirements for livestock and use a larger amount of electricity for the mat.   Post signs or police tape alerting any visitors not to approach the mat.  Best never to turn it on unless you have a monster standing on cam flash 6 1 2016

Put up bars on windows, set deep and big around, but you won’t need a lot of them on a window.

Assume they will try to get into the house when you are not home or asleep.   Lock doors both when out of the house and when you are in the house. Lock up tight at night, close windows and draw curtains.

Install steel doors and steel screen security doors and windows.  Install steel storm doors with dead bolts.  Reinforce all jambs.

Strong entry points may not stop them, but if linked to a burglar alarm and security company, at least the police will be called.

Install a safe room.

Board up doggie doors and keep dogs inside at night.

Log walls or field stone construction seem strong enough to keep them out.

Be aware of any basement or back doors. They must be strong and locked. Inside door to basement or garage must be strong.

Install tall, strong, electrified fencing.  Jurassic Park it. Razor wire on top.   Do not count on it, though, as they may just prop a log up and climb over. __/|| Or just jump over.

Make it hard for them to climb on the roof by removing anything they could use as a handhold or stair. Make roofing materials slippery or smooth.


Only shoot at them if you feel threatened in the extreme–kidnap or bodily harm. And then you will need to immediately leave the property, because they will escalate their activity and threat level. Return only with caution, well prepared, and with help.

They might not be able to differentiate between a warning shot and aiming at them.

Get large, heavy dogs. Several. Great Swiss mountain dogs, boerboal, something big but smart and friendly. You don’t want a dog that will bite your children or neighbors. Do not chain them up. If they are diggers put a repellent at the fence line.reggy

Dogs who bark at bigfoot are more likely to be dispatched first, so barky is not good. But it alerts you.

A flock of geese is a great watchdog, so to speak. Get some geese and keep them in a secure pen near the house. Maybe ten or so.  Worked for the Romans.

Stay safe and legal.


Have a Catholic priest bless the home and property. Keep holy water around the house and splash it on windows and doors if the trouble returns. It works.  Sometimes bigfoot may be under demonic influence, I guess.

If your trouble is extreme, you may want to call your diocese to request an exorcist to come over and make short work of the problem.michael

As your beliefs permit, prayer is helpful.  Invoke God and ask him to smite these creatures.

Persons with entrenched nonChristian belief systems may want to consult a Native American medicine man or woman. Native Americans are very wise to the ways of all these creatures.   But if that doesn’t work, try a priest.

How Do I Know If My Problem Is Bigfoot?

These are some signs of a bigfoot infestation:

Large humanlike footprints in soil and fingerprints or handprints on vehicles or house windows.

Loud slams on outside house walls. IMG_0226

Rocks or pebbles thrown at people, house, windows. Rocks will often land nearby, not striking anything.

Scratching on walls, scratch marks on walls.

This can happen any time of day, but night may see an increase in sounds and activity.

Tapping on windows.

Hearing footsteps outside at night.

Seeing shadows pass by windows.

Dog barking like crazy, going nuts.

Dog frightened, hiding, whimpering.

Dogs or pets disappear.  Bark bark bark yelp.

You hear woodknocks or rock clacking outside.

Howls, screams,  sounds at enormous volume outdoors.

Farm animals killed, scratched, missing, or maimed.

Horses manes twisted or braided.

Pet food or other food not kept in house disappears.

Big hairy face at the window, peering in. face

Items moved around without explanation.

Children report seeing odd creature, “cowman,” “big dog,” “monkey man,” or “gorilla.”

Children report playing with hairy playmates.

Eyeshine seen from hiding places or at night, sometimes red, big eyes right at ground level, or way up high.

Roof activity:  Sound of running or walking on roof, large rocks hitting roof or walls, creaking like a large weight is on the roof, objects chucked down chimney, things falling off roof, and so on.

Doorknobs turn or jiggle–they may want inside, and this is  serious.  Take action.

Terrible skunky-rotten-wet-dog smell.

Handprints or smudges way up high on walls.

Nearby nest or stick structure.

Some kind of structure.
Some kind of structure.

Vehicles vandalized, bitten, scratched.

Strange objects appear, such as dead animals or parts.

Hear what sounds like talking in unknown language.

Hear monkey hoot sounds.

Hear bad, overloud imitations of wildlife.

Fruit stripped off trees or garden vegetables disappear.

You  find very large segmented stools.

You hear voices of family members who are not there.

Healthy branches on trees broken.

Neighbors may report sightings or activity.

Many missing neighborhood pets.

You see one.  It might look almost human, or more like a gorilla, or might be scary ugly.  If it has a snout, that may be the dogman.six kinds

If you see something that looks more like a dog, that is called a dogman.

If you hear sounds that sound more like a wolf howl, that may be dogman, as well.

If you see something else entirely, let me know.

Advice for Outings

For Whatever It’s Worth

I am a chicken.
I am a chicken.

Don’t go looking for these guys.  They are not nice.

If you must squatch:

Take a friend.  It’s not safe to go alone into the wilds.   Anything could happen, and another person can help you or summon help.  One of you could fall down a cliff, break a leg, be attacked by bees, or anything.  A buddy is a lifeline.  You could break a heel and then you’d have to be carried back to the car, wouldn’t you?

Take a gun.  Learn gun safety, local gun laws, load it, and tote it–just in case you come across dangerous humans or aggressive wildlife.  Personally, I don’t have a gun, so I stay on or very near roads and civilization.

Take a tripod, for the love of Mike.  Use binoculars or a camera with a telephoto lens to observe the wildlife.  I use a digital SLR but prefer several still shots of the same scene rather than video, which takes so long to go through and so much of a video is actually blurry and unfocused.

For best results, find a spot with a reliable water supply and good cover.  It can be near a town or in the wilderness, doesn’t really matter.  It might even be in town if it is connected to wilder areas by a river, canal, or green belt.  IMG_0826 Or just about anywhere.

Is there food–leaves, fruit, people garbage, cute bunnies, etc.?  If so, then you will probably find sasquatches,  Or, more likely, they will find you.

For the foolhardy, find a spot with nearby sasquatch habitat.

San Joaquin RIver near Redinger Lake. This area is the historic home of the Mono Native Americans.
San Joaquin River near Redinger Lake. This area is the historic home of the Nim Mono Native Americans.

Pull up a chair and act normal.  Sort of.  Sing some rounds, strum a banjo, blow bubbles, everyone practice their step dancing.  Sit and contemplate nature.  Good luck.  Hope you have a crucifix handy.

Take pictures and video of yourselves with nature for your backdrop.  Actually focus the camera on wherever you think Mr. Sasquatch might be skulking.

Keep an eye open for stick structures, arches, X’s, nests, teepee arrangements, star shapes, sticks on the path, branches that are woven together, footprints, hair stuck to fences and so on, and giant, weird, twisty, sausage link like poo piles.

Take company with you.  More is better.  Go home before the sun sets.   Have fun, and find the bigfoot when you go home and download your pictures and video.

Be Ye Warned

There are different kinds of “bigfoot” but you don’t know what kind you might encounter, so, venture out in daytime only.  Plus there are those dog men, goat guys, and lizard people, so be super careful.

Do not think they are your kindly primate neighbors.  At best, they have an agenda.  At worst, they have you for dinner and your little dog, too.

Do not feed them because that is like feeding a grizzly bear.

Do not yelp or screech to attract them.  Seriously.   It doesn’t work and is annoying to all God’s creatures.   You don’t want to annoy God’s bigger creatures, do you?   Wood knocking at them gets mixed results.

King's River bank near Piedra, California.
King’s River bank near Piedra, California.

Keep your distance.   Do not approach structures, beds, or sasquatches.  Be respectful.

They say not to run from predators.  I don’t think it matters but make no promises in this regard.

Do not appear to notice them, their tracks, or sign–or at least don’t be obvious.   If you see one, avert your eyes.   If possible, wear sunglasses so they can’t tell where you are looking.   Act ignorant and oblivious.

You will probably be safe because there are several people, some are armed, and it’s daytime, right?